To all my dear admissions counselors,
Please pity my dreams; they quake like small birds
in icy streams, fearing your dark monster.
My mother has cautioned me since my birth
I play recitals, memorizing songs
In order to escape his embrace, sir—
I have sat motionless for much too long
Small bones and kings and strings and theorems old
Feet sleeping, fearing all answers are wrong
O Hark my words: I chill quickly in cold
I beg: Leave him for some more able teen.
My mother’s grave: I’m worth my weight in gold
Watching his triumph I turn evergreen
So breathing quickly up I go to flee.
Rejection from lovers, mothers, brothers
A monster but I welcome his embrace
All I have in life is him--no others.
I hear him coming so give up the chase
We compete for acceptance but truth is
there’s more to say about rejection’s grace.
He moves in a fast dance--one stab of his
venomed fangs and then pain and then numbness
brings sweet relief to the poisons that fizz.
Tells us not to depend on true love’s kiss
or acceptance letters from Harvard to
be happy in a world as cruel as this.
Rejection shows us what we cannot do
Teaches us nothing can save me or you.
Perhaps it is better to turn away
I cannot face the closing of the door
Instead I will save myself the tears. Nay
I must struggle on my hopeless quest, for
It is but a weak hope that brings me on
How can I stand? I shall fail evermore
Single embrace of hope and swiftly gone,
There is no antidote for the winding
One among the vast masses, just a pawn
Grace is a lie, under fortune’s grinding
Wheel are we all. To never see is tough,
to be shut out forever is binding
OH, that I know you well, but not enough
To face you again and again, is rough
Perhaps I should embrace you to know how
I could be stronger or be better off
without acceptance in my poor life now.
Indeed, rejection stings like ice; to scoff
At it, though, is to devalue its role
Humbling us, even those at the top.
If I fail, can you, rejection, claim sole
responsibility? I certainly
Don’t think so, for even you’re not so cold.
If you had simply allowed me to see
Where I could improve, where I could be best,
Perhaps I wouldn’t need your company.
Necessarily, you were trusted, pest;
You kept me up, never to be at rest.
By terror! What is all rejection’s part?
A hollow fulfillment that hath infused
Sorrowful green tendrils twisting my heart.
Oh, the hope we once had, that we refused
To let go of, like a crutch, kept us bound
By terror! From the deep unknown oozed
Dare I risk it, eternal chasing ‘round.
Always, a shadow I run from but want
By terror! I fear but I stand my ground
Rejection. I need you but, me, you haunt,
So why do I keep running from the vines
that entangle my heart with piercing want
In the field of sorrow, you surely shine!
Oh,by terror! I hope you’re never mine.
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